I heart this birdie mobile! I found it first on Ohdeedoh.com and then followed to the creator's blog to learn all about it. I must make something similar for August's room! I am really in love with it.

The holidays were pretty good this year. Now we've reached New Year's Eve, and I am ready to jump into the new year. Tony and I are celebrating by cooking a really good soup tonight and hanging out watching movies. Neither of us felt like trying to do a big celebration with tons of people, and I'm so glad we agreed on that. I am making a pretty traditional New Year's meal tomorrow for dinner, as well. No ham, but the meal will be chock full of southern style vegetables (including black eyed peas) and corn bread. That has been one of the things I've enjoyed most about the holidays this year. It's one of the first times I've really allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. I am eating for two, as everyone keeps reminding me. Luckily almost all of the weight has stayed in the belly area. Woohoo!

Alright, I am off to eat lunch and organize baby things (as always...the neverending job).

Happy Holidays

Tony and I have been very busy figuring out all of our Christmas plans for this year. Our travel plans have changed so often that I almost said, "Let's just stay here, alone...together." Instead, we are now planning on going up to Memphis, TN to spend it with a bunch of people in my family. We are staying with the pops and his wife, and most of my siblings will be around. That is very exciting, because I really haven't been able to spend much time with them lately. I haven't spent an actual Christmas with my dad in over a decade. Sometimes we see him around Christmas, but my family's years are usually spent with my mom. Cinci was just too far to travel at 30 weeks pregnant.

Yep, we are at the 30 week mark. Well, 30 weeks by the due date the doctor has given us. I am still convinced that her actual due date is about a week earlier. She was already measuring at 3 lbs at the end of 28 weeks. I guess I won't know until she is here.

I am so ready for August Isabella to be here! We went to Babies R Us this weekend to try and stock up on things we knew we would need that it looks like no one is planning to buy for us. You don't think much of your small cart-full until you get to the register and the total is $300. Oh, and there are still a whole bunch of things on the registry that you are needing. (Why doesn't anyone want to buy you a baby bath tub or crib sheets? I guess it's not as exciting as all the cute, little, girly pink outfits and stuffed animals...) I'm not complaining. We have had many generous friends and family members gift us with awesome things, and we are super thankful to all of them! I just want to warn anyone who hasn't had children: Babies Cost A Lot of Money Up Front! Oh, and then we have the diapers and other small things to worry about.

Random: Tony asked me the other day what I thought about the name August Ann. After being the biggest supporter of the name Isabella he suddenly thought we should maybe change it. I think that it is a pretty name, but we have been calling her August Isabella since way before we knew she was a girl for sure. The day after we found out we were pregnant we knew that would be the name if we had a little girl. So, it seemed really out of the blue. Ann was Tony's mother's middle name. I think that the holidays are bringing his mom to mind, and that is where it has come from. Also, the day she passed away was February 10th. Tony has brought up a couple of times how amazing it would be if August was born on that day. She would have to be 18 days early for that to happen, though. Maybe we can pull the 2 middle names thing. August Ann Isabella Intoccia.....August Isabella Ann Intoccia....:) Her initials would be AAII or AIAI. I don't know. Any thoughts?

Feeling the Monday Blues

It is freezing here in Jackson. It's supposed to creep into the 40s today, but the wind chill is still going to keep it feeling like the low 30s. This is not what I signed up for when I moved to Mississippi. I signed up for winters full of greenery and mild temperatures. I am pretty sure we are in for a serious winter this year.

Awesomeness: Tony has jury duty. He received something in the mail about it last week, and he never really looked at the dates until yesterday. Guess what! He had to be at the courthouse starting today. Hooray. He had to run down to work last night to shoot out some emails to make sure all of his patients were canceled today and so that his boss knew where he would be. This morning he is passing the time in a large waiting room by texting me about his surroundings and the other people on jury duty. It's funny, but he is only the second person I've ever known to have jury duty. He texted me a minute ago to say that the elevator music was playing Law and Order's theme song. That's a bit much. Come on Mississippi!

I have a 3 hour gestational diabetes test tomorrow. I'm really nervous about it because I didn't pass the first test (which was only 1 hour). I thought Tony was going to take me, but since he has jury duty that probably won't happen. So I'll have to drive down myself, a starving pregnant woman, and sit for 4 hours of no food or drink and lots of finger pricking fun. I'm not looking forward to it at all. My doctor doesn't think that I have anything to worry about, and he says he thinks the chances of me actually having GD is very low. The only thing is that 3 of the last 5 women I've known who were pregnant did have it, and they all had to have Cesarean Sections because of it. I am scared to death and very worried about it. I can't wait for tomorrow to be over with!!!

I am trying to pass the time by doing some knitting and embroidery for X-mas gifts. One thing that makes me happy is that I am almost done with my Christmas shopping and gift-making. Woohoo! (Of course, I'm still not sure if we are going to see any of our family for X-mas this year. Between divorce, pregnancy, surgery, possible cancer, work and a brand new bar/restaurant my entire family has way too much on their individual plates right now...)

Taking "Starting Over" to a Whole New Level...

It's been a long while since I have posted anything. Anyone who read my last post might have assumed I went on vacation, and then just disappeared into thin air. Certainly, I haven't been keeping my blog updated...at all. Maybe I have been extremely busy in my world of crafting madness. Maybe working from home has become such a drag that I can't place myself in front of the computer long enough to type out an entry. Maybe my computer broke.

None of those things are exactly the truth. The truth is, I am pregnant. Talk about starting over, for real...I found out about the pregnancy right around the time of my last post on here. So now I am a little over six months along, and growing very quickly. We are having a little girl at the end of February, so I have been busy with trying to get my life together enough to be ready for this huge (and I mean HUGE) change.

Tony and I never thought we were going to have children. In fact, any time someone asked us "when" we thought we would start trying, we would sheepishly look at each other before explaining that we didn't want kids. Neither of us had any problem with children. We have a niece and 5 nephews between us, and we love them all dearly! We just didn't see ourselves as parents. We would tell our family members, "We know that we are too selfish to share our lives with a child." Most people reacted exactly how you would expect. They would laugh, uncomfortably, and say something to the effect of, "Oh, you'll change your minds." Somewhere deep inside I wondered if they might be right, but I always figured we would adopt a child if, for some reason, our minds did change. There are so many children in this world who don't have families or homes. Tony and I were also not extremely thrilled about bringing a baby into the world as it is today. It can be a dark, mean, and lonely place at times.

Then, at the end of June, I started noticing some changes in my body. Don't worry, I will spare you the details. Suffice it to say that while in Birmingham the weekend after my last post, I decided I should be on the safe side and go and buy a pregnancy test. I bought a pack of two that would give you a pink horizontal line if you were not pregnant and a vertical line if you were. I took a test when we got back to the in-laws' house, and it looked like the line was vertical. It was a very faint line, so neither of us really believed that it meant I was pregnant. It must have been a false positive, and it would be better to take the test in the morning, anyway. We went out that night with some friends to a bar downtown called the Garage. I figured we'd rather be safe than sorry, so we chose the Garage because of its outdoor seating. I did drink a beer that night, but ended up nursing it because I was afraid of hurting a baby that could possibly be in my tummy. My best friend, Jenny, was about 6 months pregnant at that point, so I spent the evening drilling her about things like when and how she knew she was pregnant, etc. Somehow, she never picked up on my panic.

The next morning, as soon as I woke up, I went to take the second test. It came back with the vertical line (a little darker than the one the night before). That was it. I stood in the guest bathroom staring at this stick that was telling me about the future. My future. I felt sick, I felt scared, and strangely I felt relief. The relief was a huge surprise to me that morning. I realize now that I felt relieved that I would not have to tell Tony that the test the night before was wrong. Did I know subconsciously that he would be excited? Well, when I went back to the bedroom to give him the news, I sat on the floor shaking and showed him the stick. His smile was one of the best visions I've ever seen. My husband was thrilled!

We went to the doctor when I got back from my vacation a week later. I had been 5 weeks pregnant on the day that we found out. The next couple of weeks were filled with wonder, amazement, shock, joy, terror, and uncertainty. Would I make a good mother? Would I be like my mother? Would I be able to love a baby enough? What if we didn't have enough money to do this right? Would Tony love this baby more than he loved me? Would the baby love me?

Somehow, the idea of having a child went from the most frightening thing in the world to something I am very much looking forward to. I'm not exactly sure when the change occurred, but one thing I have been sure of from the beginning is that this baby inside of me is a part of me. She is a part of Tony. She was made out of our love for each other, and there is nothing in the world that I can think of which could be more beautiful than that.

Friday Favorites

It's Friday again. Time for some of my most recent Favorite things.

Favorite new find: She & Him. A collaboration between M. Ward (an awesome singer/songwriter) and Zooey Deschanel (Yes, the actress). I am fascinated by how good the new album is. I love her voice.

Favorite way to save money: I canceled my home phone today. We never used it, and we were paying at least $45/month for nothing. So, I got rid of it. I also cancelled about half of the tv channels we were getting. Who really needs 800 channels?

Favorite News: I'm going to be out of town for the next 2 weeks straight. I will be gone for work, and I'll be gone for fun. I won't have a lot of time to be on the internet so I won't be updating a whole lot, but I'm really excited for this trip. It feels like summer!

I am so glad that today is the first day of summer. woohoo

Good stuff

I've been gone for some time. Between work, a week-long trip, and trying to clean house after returning, I haven't had time to catch up on my writing words to write words habit. While I was out of town I met some great people. It was nice to be reminded that there are plenty of people in the world to meet. Now I just need to get out in Jackson and find some of them here.

Blah, Blah. I don't have a bunch of time and I think I have too many words to put together to make any sense of what's going on in my head. So...later!

A Better Day

Tonight we checked out the Pepsi Pops Rockin' at the Reservoir. It was a fun-filled affordable event filled with symphony music, fireworks, and tons of children running around with glow necklaces and whistles. I have to say that I had a really great time! The music was fun (pop culture hits played by the orchestra), and the company was even better. We brought a picnic and drank a bottle of wine. It was definitely a great start to a much needed weekend!

Friday Favorites:
Place: NUTS - The Good Samaritan Thrift Store in town. I went to check it out this morning and found a bunch of awesome sewing patterns and fabric for cheap. I also found out that next Saturday they will be having a "Scooper Bowl" sale in the parking lot. It's going to be like a flea market/yard sale. I'm very excited about this, and I will definitely be checking that out!

Song: "You've Really Got a Hold on Me" by The Zombies. I go through periods of time when all I want to listen to is The Zombies. Their songs always give me the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. Who doesn't love that feeling?

Person: Rachel. I talked to Rachel for a bit today, and it was so nice. I heart her a big bunch!

Surprise: Work (amazingly). I found out today that I am going to be going on a business trip to New Orleans to do some fun camera and editing work. This is so up my alley I can't explain how psyched I am to do it.

So much for being depressed the other day. Things seem to be going my way...now.

Lonesome

I don't think I have felt this depressed since I was about 13.

Ugh.

Friday Favorites

I am going to try to list some of my favorite things each Friday. They may not always be my favorite things, but on the particular Friday that I am writing maybe they are...

Favorite thing happening to me: We got very lucky, again. The news keeps reporting that it could be up to three months before all of the tornado debris is taken away. Well, they started working on it yesterday...on our street. Hopefully, in the next couple of weeks we will no longer be looking at 7 foot tall piles of cut up trees and trash. I'm super happy about this because the view out of my front windows has been less than inspiring.

Favorite Project: The table that my hubby is building is getting there. He is about half way done with it. I can't tell you how impressed I have been with his "handyman" skills since we bought a house. While I sometimes get very annoyed that he won't just sit down, I'm grateful to him for all of the work that he does around here.

Favorite Song Right Now: Jolene by Dolly Parton.

Favorite Surprise/People: In my last post I wrote about my dreams filled with old friends. That's funny because I keep hearing from people I haven't spoken to in years and years. In fact, on facebook, I was contacted by a girl I haven't seen or heard from since the summer before 6th grade. Seriously. Out of nowhere (and we have no "friends in common"), I get a friend request from someone I haven't seen in (I will not say how many, but I'm sure you can guess) years. That's cool. Then, last night, I talked to an old church camp friend. She is truly one of the best friends I have ever had. She was inspiring, courageous, lovely, and supportive in a very important time in my life. Somewhere around me moving to New York around the turn of the century and her leaving the town she had grown up in, we completely lost touch. We had no idea how to get in touch with each other until the internet caught up with us both. It turns out that we lived about one hour away from each other during the time that I was in Georgia. How upsetting. I could have been spending time with one of my favorite people. I really could have used her support during that year. It sounds like she could have used mine, as well.

Did I dream about old friends because my subconscious was telling me to get in touch with them? Did I somehow expect to hear from someone out of the blue? Life is so full of surprises, and that is one of my favorite things.

A whole bunch of random nothingness

I've been having strange dreams filled with people that I haven't been in touch with for years. In these dreams, even though we've lost touch, conversations continue as if we've been together every day in the past decade. I imagine that real life conversations with these folks would be filled more with uncomfortable silences than casual conversation.

My ten year high school reunion is happening this October. I won't be there. My husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary. Honestly, I wouldn't go if I could. My class had 650 students. I didn't know half of them. The few people I would want to see probably wouldn't show...I was much closer to people from other high schools anyway.

A couple old friends came to visit this past weekend. It was great to have a relaxing couple of days with them. Of course, after they left, I was hit with the reality of living in this city where I don't know anyone. That is a depressing fact. I hate that it becomes so much harder to meet people when you get older. (I also hate to admit that being married makes a big difference in how easy it is to meet others.) Plus we live in a place where most of the people have had the same group of friends since childhood. It's not exactly easy to break in on that.

We are working on building a desk/craft table for me. This is something I am very excited about. Hopefully it will help to push me to do more creating.

Excitement or Horror

A huge storm hit the Jackson area on Friday afternoon. High, straight winds, hail, and an F2 tornado whipped right through my neighborhood. My next door neighbors on one side lost both of their cars and a detached building that he works out of (along with all of his business supplies). Down the street, multiple homes have trees that are sticking out of them, or have split them in two. The damage seems never-ending. Our electricity has been out since Friday. It was a very frightening storm. I was stuck in the van with my sister’s family and our two dogs while the heavy hail bombarded us. We were luckily a few miles away from the worst of it (my neighborhood) at the time. While I was very afraid, I had to show nothing but calm, for my nephew was sitting in the back seat reciting, “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.”

I am so thankful that we were all okay. This is the second bad tornado that I have been extremely lucky through. In September, 2005, while living in northeast GA, my husband and I were woken by a tornado in the middle of the night. It was caused by the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina (that night). We pushed ourselves into the two-foot space in the bathroom closet of our second floor apartment, next to the hot water heater. When the tornado ended, we went back to bed. The next morning we were woken by police, because Tony’s uncle had panicked when he couldn’t reach us over the phone. Half of the small town we were living in was blown away. We lived directly across the street from a shopping center which was demolished. There was a wedding chapel two doors down that was completely blown away, pieces of it sticking out of our own building. Our roof was lifted three inches off of the building. There was an Econo lodge down the road that lost it’s second floor.

After being so lucky in two tornadoes, and having moved away from NYC 4 days before 9/11…I am afraid that my luck might one day just run out.

Surprise Visit!

When I rolled out of bed this morning around 10:20, my husband told me that someone had called my phone half an hour before. I checked my voice mail and was surprised with the news that an old friend would be in town for today only. I haven't seen this friend since my wedding two and half years ago, and we have rarely spoken on the phone. The phone thing is completely my fault. I am terrible about calling people, and phone conversations make me very anxious.

When I learned that he would be in town around 12:30, I was super excited. We picked him up at his hotel and went straight to lunch. Then I kidnapped him at gunpoint and forced him to come back to our house with us. Not really, but if it had come down to it...I just might have done that. I have seriously been in need of some time with my true friends. In the past six years, that time has become much more precious to me because it has become so much more scarce.

He stayed and played with me until 8 tonight. He had to get back to his hotel for a crack of dawn flight in the morning, and I miss him already. I am thinking that I really need to get some close friends together for a good, long road trip at some point in the next six months. I don't know how easy that will be to do, but I feel like it would make a huge impact on my life in a very good way.

A sign?

I've been cleaning house today, looking forward to a visit from my sister and her family.  While trying to organize some papers, I came across stories I wrote for a creative writing class back in 2003.  I decided to sit down and read them again, and as I did I was surprised that it was my own writing.  The subject matter was almost all dark and a little disturbing.  The notes that my teacher left on these stories were so nice, I was shocked.  With all of these final drafts, I found a paper he had included for a contest for student writers, noting that I should send some of my work in.  Now I wish I had taken him up on that advice.  I don't know why I didn't.  I guess I've never really liked my own work.  Artwork.  Writing.  Knitting.  Photos.  It doesn't matter what it is.  I can never impress myself.

Anyway, it felt a little like a sign finding those today after starting this blog yesterday.  Maybe I will write some new stories and poems and post them.  I think that I've decided I am definitely going to go back to school.  I'm not completely psyched about the schools in this area (at least not the ones that I can afford).  I'm going to start looking, though.  Maybe it will help me to get excited about some things again.  Hopefully it will help me to meet some people in this city.  I've lived here for 9 months, and I haven't really met anyone.  That has to change.

Speaking of change, I should change the name of my blog.  I think it's going to be more about writing than knitting.  

This New Blog of Mine

Writing used to be my passion.  Somewhere in between finding myself in a happy relationship, moving 6 times in the past 7 years, and becoming an adult I seem to have lost the drive.  I have journals filled with my words, yet I can't honestly remember the last time I sat down to just write.  I'm out of practice.

Now I find myself in a city where I don't know anyone.  I find myself in a new job where I "write" for a living (albeit not the kind of writing I'd prefer).  I find myself unsure of who I am and what my true passions are.  There was a line in a movie this morning that shook me.  "It's never too late to become what you might have been."  It was in the film Away From Her.  I immediately started thinking about these words, and what they mean to me.  I'm not sure, but I know that they are the main reason I decided to come over here and start blogging.

The funny thing is that it's not the first time a movie quote has really taken over in my life.  For years, when i was a bit younger, I followed the advice of a quote from the movie Legend. Embarrassing, I know.  It was, "The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity."  Go ahead.  Read that again.  I am struck with how similar the quotes are, and by the fact that they are saying the exact opposite of each other.  Maybe that's the difference in youth and maturity.

I won't always write about writing.  I'm not planning on blogging about movie quotes, either.  If this will help me to actually write, I just plan on actually writing.